I'm About To Get Real

98.6 lbs gone!  I'm only 1.4 pounds away from being able to say I've lost 100 lbs.  So exciting!  I'm wearing a size 14 now.  Interestingly, my shoe size has also dropped.  I've went from a 7 Wide to a 6 1/2.

My eating habits have taken a turn for he worse.  I mean they've gotten bad.  Carbs and sugar every day.  I decided to do something about it and went all liquid protein for a day.  The most unbelievable thing happened.  My tolerance for sugar and fried foods went out the window!  I am now getting sick when I eat something I shouldn't.  This is new, and I don't know if has anything to do with going liquid for a day but that's when it started.  I'm going to count this as a blessing.  A deterrent.  Hopefully this will help get me back on track.

I've started drinking my morning coffee with a scoop of protein.  Sometimes I'll add some coffee creamer, too.  A cup of coffee with Nectar Vanilla Bean Torte and Coffeemate Warm Cinnamon Sugar Cookie is to die for!  Absolutely delicious.  I know it's a few extra calories, but it's better than a lot of things I can think of for breakfast.... like donuts!  Um yeah, I don't know if I want to get started on that.  I was in Schnucks a few weeks ago and saw a fried croissant.  I used to love those, so I thought I'd just get one.  Well, that one turned into three or four over the next couple weeks.  This, my friends, is exactly why I decided I needed to do a day of liquids to try to get myself back on track.  I'm still not back on track, but it's much better than it was! I'm focusing on protein first but that sweet snack is killing me.  I have to stop.  Now.

Classes are just about over for the semester.  I took two finals today and have one more in a couple days.  I'll be so glad to be finished this semester!  Looks like as long as I passed all of my classes, I have my Associate's Degree.  Then, I'm taking the spring semester of and starting back up at the university next fall to finish my bachelor's.  Hopefully, it'll be on to my master's after that!

Okay, time to get real.  I'm still having body issues.  Lots of body issues.  I see myself and I look so big to me in the mirror.  It's only when I look at a picture do I actually see me.  My clothes are starting to fit a little better, but I'm still struggling with a lot of extra skin.  I have a bit more fat to lose, but I'm getting a lot more toned now.  I think it's because I do a lot of squatting and lifting at work, I'm strengthening my muscles.  Even my husband and my doctor have noticed.  I can actually see my muscles when I flex.  Hooray!  Unfortunately, no matter how much I work out and how much I tone, I am not going to lose the extra skin and a bunch of fat is going to continue hanging around.

So tonight I leave you with a couple pictures of a 34 year old woman who let her body go for 15 years, getting larger and larger.  A woman who has had 4 babies, two of them being twins.  A woman who reached the whopping weight of 286 lbs and has lost 78% of her excess body weight.  This is for all those pre-op patients out there wondering what their body will look like after they have lost weight.  I can't say that you'll look like me.  Maybe you'll be lucky and your skin will bounce back.  Mine won't.  The only way for me to get rid of this now is plastic surgery.  Once my BMI hits 30 (it's now 32) I am to return to my plastic surgeon for a followup.  This, folks, is why I wear Spanx.

Nine Month Update

It's been one year since my first consultation with my surgeon and a little over nine months since my surgery.  A lot has happened since my last update, but it's mostly just person stuff, not surgery related.  I've lost ten pounds since my last update.  Most of that was within the past month or so, believe it or not!  When I look at my weight loss ticker, it just doesn't seem real.  189.  That's 97 lbs lost and 39 to go until I reach my goal.  I've lost 77% of my excess body weight, so even if I don't lose anymore, I consider this surgery to be successful.  I do, however, plan on losing a lot more!

I started a new job in September and that has kept me very busy.  I'm got a job in a deli/bakery.  I may have mentioned before that I have a lot of bakery experience.  Because it's been so hard to find a job, I took it knowing that it would be very hard on my new lifestyle.  Being around all of those delicious goodies all day has been very hard and I'll admit to have indulged more times than I should have - my vice being puff pastries and cheesecake.  I think the novelty of them are starting to wear off and I'm getting back on track.  In fact, I lost three pounds this past week alone!  It's also been difficult because when I'm at work I have to eat fast and eat whatever I can get a hold of.  Sometimes there's some kind of high protein entree in the hot case but it's mostly fried food.  This is how I've found out that I'm able to tolerate fried foods once more.  I'm also able to eat bread again.  This scares me a bit, so I'm trying hard to avoid them.

My schedule is very hectic right now.  I go to class through the day then work in the evening.  Sometimes I am fortunate to work during the day on days I don't have school.  I don't see my kids as often as I'd like, some days for just an hour a day.  I miss them, I miss being home and I miss eating right.  So you'll have to forgive me for not updating my blog lately, I really just haven't had time!

Speaking of school, check out this photo to the left.  This was me in March 2010 when I was inducted into the Phi Theta Kappa Honor Society.  My how things change!  I look at that and can't believe that's me.  It's true that you really don't realize how big you are.  I look like me only grossly swollen.

I was wearing a size 28 in this picture, and it was tight.  Today I'm in a 16 in pants and can wear a large or some mediums in shirts.  My pants are significantly bigger than my shirts because I have a lot of excess skin around my abdomen.  Details about that in a bit, though, first I want to talk about my clothing size.  I found Spanx to be my best friend.  They really hold things in and make a better fit.  Right now I have to tuck the excess skin into my pants and it just looks horrible.  I'm wearing a pant size 1-2 sizes bigger than my waist and legs, so it always looks frumpy and I hate that!

About a month ago, I decided it was time to buy a couple good bras.  I'd had two bra measurements done and neither of them were correct.  I started this journey at a 48DDD.  I thought what fit me best right now was a 38DDD.  That was until I went for an actual bra fitting.  I tried on a few bras and had someone adjust them and finally found my size.  Hold on to your seats.  38G!!  Holy cow.  This just validated the feeling that I had that my breasts were way too big and causing problems (mostly back pain.)  It was impossible to walk into a store and find a bra in my size.  I did buy to balconet bras from Lane Bryant and let me tell you the results are amazing.  I'm half tempted to post a comparison picture between my old bra and the new one.

So I figured I'd had enough and made a consultation with a local plastic surgeon who was highly recommended by people associated with my bariatric surgeon.  I mostly talked with her about a breast reduction, to which she said I was a good candidate for.  I must get my BMI to 30 (it's currently 33) and be at a stable weight for three months before I can have surgery.  So we're working on it, almost there!  Hoping by next spring, maybe summer, I'll be able to get that taken care of.

Gross hanging skin in the back and in the front!

I also talked to her about a panniculectomy - removal of the excess skin.  She said that will have to be a totally separate surgery and we will discuss it more later.  It's going to be a lot more complicated as far as getting insurance approval for because it has to be proven to be medically necessary.  This is true (because of rashes and such) but it's harder to prove that it is needed.

This skin is not going to go away on it's own.  To the left is a picture of me, 37 weeks pregnant with my twins.  My belly stretched out so big!  I have too many stretchmarks to count.  My skin has totally lost it's elasticity.  Even if I got down to 120 lbs (which I don't plan on) I will still have the hanging skin because it's just not possible for it to bounce back.

After the first of the year, and when I get closer to my goal weight, I will be working more towards my goal of a panniculectomy.  I dream about it, how wonderful it'll be to just zip up a pair of jeans in the correct size and have them hug my body.  Instead, they are tight around the abdomen and way too loose around the waist and in the legs.  I recently bought a pair of size 16 jeans from Old Navy.  I tried on a pair of 14s but I couldn't get them comfortably zipped.  Instead, I have the 16s which are too baggy and I have to keep pulling up but at least they zip, right?  If I wore my Spanx every day I could probably wear the 14s.  But I don't want to wear them to work because let's face it, they are not exactly comfortable and I do a lot of physical work with lifting and squatting.

Speaking of lifting and squatting, I went to see my primary doctor a couple weeks ago to get a prescription for B12 shots.  She had seen me only a month prior to that visit and said even though I'd only lost a few pounds I looked even smaller.  She said I looked toned and the new job was probably giving me a nice workout.  I do feel a little more toned, too.  This morning I had my husband feel my thigh and even he said it felt a lot harder.  Yay for toning!  Oh, back to the B12.  I got the injections so I didn't have to remember to take a pill every day.  I'll inject myself once a month.  I haven't done it yet, my first one will be in two weeks.  I think I'll see if my mother-in-law can do it for me since she's an RN.  Now I just need to find a multivitamin that I like and remember to take my iron!

I'm still drinking a protein shake for breakfast most mornings.  I haven't had one in the past week because I had a mild stomach bug (my first one since surgery) and sometimes the protein shakes upset my stomach anyway.  Didn't want to tempt fate.  I have found a new way to enjoy my protein shakes, though - fat free coffee creamer!  Sure it has a few calories and carbs but I'm not using much of it and I love the flavor that it gives a straight Vanilla Bean Torte flavored Nectar protein powder.  Delicious.  Just typing about it makes me want to go get one.

I guess that's about it for updates.  I seriously need to develop an "ick" factor for the food at work.  I need to get my eating back under control and get the spark back that I had just after surgery.  I'm so close to goal, I don't want to blow it now!

I want to give a special shout out to my support group at New Life Weight Loss Center in Herrin, IL.  These people have become a family to me.  I love you all so much and am grateful for the friendships I have made and support you all give me!

Onederland

Well, I did it!  Just a day after I made the last post, I made  it to Onederland.  My weight is finally in the 100's.  It's been a long time coming but I did it.  You know the odd thing, I think I made it because I slightly increased my calories.  It makes me wonder if my metabolism just needed a jolt.  I got about 1000 calories a day a few days in a row.  Now I will drop it back down to 800 and see what happens.

Granted the reason for my calorie increase was not a good one.  I was preparing for my twins' birthday party.  I made a ton of lollipops and cupcakes.  I had to sample some to make sure they were okay.  Well, maybe I didn't have to, but would you serve food you hadn't tasted?

The last time I weighed this much was in 2003.  The time before that was high school.  I actually got down to 172 last time I lost a massive amount of weight and will be thrilled to reach that again.

Did you do the math?  8 years ago I weighed 172.  A year ago I weighed 286. I actually gained most of that within a year!  That's a 114 lb gain.  Yikes.  Thank you progesterone & estrogen.  I stand by my claim that Provera is the devil in shot and/or pill form.  So now I've lost 87 lbs of that regain.

That brings me to mini-goals.  I think I've shared some, but I've made a few more so it's time to post them again.

Mini-Goals:

• 199 lbs (Onederland)
• Fit into husband's t-shirts
• 195 lbs (Less than husband)
• 186 lbs (100 pounds lost)
• 172 lbs (weight I was at my last weight)
• 167 lbs / BMI 29 (No longer obese)
• 150 lbs - Goal Weight

I don't know if I'll get to my goal weight but I'm going to try my hardest!  At 6 months out my weight loss has definitely slowed, but it has not stopped and that's the important part.

The picture above is one that I took at my twins' birthday party.  It was at the Science Center and there was a full length mirror, which I don't have at home, so I took full advantage of it.  Quite honestly, I was surprised by how thin I looked.  I'm also getting my curves back.

Speaking of curves, I've got plenty of them but not how I'd like them.  Sure my breasts are looking a little better, it's no longer the same size as my waist and my pear shape is finally going away, but I have so much loose skin.  This is a picture taken of me from behind.  Those aren't fat rolls on my back.  It's hanging skin.  It's even worse in the front.  So much so that it hangs over my pubic area.  I'd probably be a size 12 by now if it wasn't there.  Maybe even a 10.  But as it is I have to tuck it in and then the front of my jeans look funky (you can see this in the post below where I'm standing in front of my husband's Trans Am.) 

My jeans are baggy in the legs, loose around the waist but tight around the lower abdomen.  I hope everything catches up because I hate it.  It's awful and takes a lot to maintain so I don't get a rash or odor under the skin.  It adds an extra 5-10 minutes to my shower time to make sure everything is completely dry plus adding any powder or anti-chafing gel that may be necessary.

I don't know if plastic surgery will be something that I'll be able to do, but if I have the opportunity I'll definitely consider it.  If I wasn't so diligent with staying dry and clean I'd be having major issues with rashes right now.  We'll see when that time comes. 

6 Months Post-op

I've been meaning to update for a while.  Really, I have.  Life has just gotten in the way!  I'm doing pretty good.  Weight loss has slowed down to a crawl.  In fact, I've been hanging out at just a couple pounds above 200 for a month now.  So close to Onederland but not there yet.  I thought I was going to make it by the end of June, but I didn't.  Now, I'm hoping to make it before I go see my surgeon for my 6 month followup one week from today.  I just can't seem to lose anymore but I'm trying really hard.  I need to get out and walk more.  I was doing so well but then it got hot outside, near 100 temp with  114 heat index.  I wish we lived closer to the mall so I could just go walk in the air conditioning.  But, we don't, so I don't go often. 

I started this journey in a 28, sometimes size 30.  I'm now in a 16 and can wear some 14s depending on the cut and fabric.  I'm still feeling restriction.  I've discovered that I can eat about 3/4 cup of food but I usually stop at 1/2 cup because 3/4 makes me very full.  A typical day at 6 months post-op includes a protein shake for breakfast, lunchmeat and cheese or tuna for lunch and a grilled meat like chicken breast, steak or pork chop for dinner with some sauteed veggies.  I get about 800 calories a day, 70g of protein and less than 40g carbs.  I love my carbs, though, still do and sometimes they creep in and I get closer to 60g.  My weakness is potatoes.  I don't really do pasta anymore (though occasionally I'll have some Dreamfields.)  I've been guilty of having a few potato chips but not many.  One thing that kinda scares me is that I've discovered I'm able to tolerate bread again to a small extent.  I actually ate a hawaiian roll the other day.  Granted, they are small and I stopped there.  I've been able to eat a piece of toasted whole wheat bread for a while but the fresh bread thing is new.

Another thing I've noticed is that if I eat something other than a protein shake for breakfast, I'm more likely to graze for the rest of the day.  For instance, last week I had an egg in a basket for breakfast.  Then by the time lunch came around, I felt like I was starving but can't remember what I ate.  Later, I had a handful of almonds.  Then I ate dinner.  Later that night I had a small bowl of popcorn.  Compare that to yesterday.  I had a protein shake for breakfast, ham and cheese for lunch and a half of a small Wendy's chili for dinner.  That was it.  In fact, I almost feel like I could go back on the liquid protein diet (shake for breakfast, shake for lunch, lean protein and veggies for dinner) and be perfectly happy.  I know I'd eat less anyway and not miss it.

I started working again at the end of last month, but it didn't last long.  I was hired at a well known retail store for their bakery.  I have a lot of bakery experience so I was excited to start the job.  I loved the work, it was great.  But, let's backtrack.  I arrived to work early on my first day, water bottle in hand, ready to start the day.  When the manager showed up, she told me I was not allowed to have the water behind the counter.  She recommended I talk to personnel when they came in later that day, so I did.  Personnel told me that no, I can't have my water but I was welcome to leave the bakery to get a drink at the water fountain.  I offered a letter from my doctor but I was still not allowed my water.  So my problem was this - it gets busy and the water fountain is halfway across the store.  Not only that, but when I use the water fountain I am unable to track my fluids so I have no idea how much I'm getting in.  The first week about killed me.  I never had time to go to the fountain and I was so dehydrated.  By the time I got home from work after a 9 hour shift, there was just no way to catch up on my fluids.  I had to use my first break to drink my protein, my lunch to eat (can't drink after eating) and that left only my last break of the day to try to cram in as much fluid as I could at work.  When you only have a 6 oz stomach, that isn't easy.  I warned the manager and personnel that if I didn't have my fluids, I would end up in the hospital.  They didn't believe me and I really think they doubted that the majority of my stomach had been removed.  Anyway, come July 4th, guess where I was?  Yep, in the hospital hooked up to an IV getting fluids.  I had been so lightheaded and dizzy, had a headache, was weak and my blood pressure had skyrocketed.  I got 2 bags of fluids and went home that afternoon feeling so much better.  I called my work to tell them what happened and I still think they thought I was making things up.  I thought about it overnight and the next day I called to resign my position.  5 1/2 months post-op and that was the first complication I've had, first time I've needed fluids.  I didn't even get dehydrated when I had the flu 2 weeks post-op!  I figured it wasn't worth my health to continue that job.  So now I'm on the job hunt once again, looking for something that will accommodate my school schedule.

I guess that's it for updates for now.  I really need to update this blog more!

These Are Not My Pants (or are they?)

I really didn't have a grasp of how much weight I've lost until I held these jeans up for a picture.  I used to wear these all the time.  They are a size 28 from Lane Bryant.  The pants I currently wear are a 20, though I think I might be able to wear an 18.  I've now lost 65 lbs.  Physically, I feel better though I don't feel like I've lost that much weight.  I notice that I fit better in tight places (like the area by my washer/dryer or the driver's seat of my car when my husband has the seat pushed all the way up.)

I haven't been to Curves in a few weeks.  I injured my shoulder and am now going to physical therapy.  My diagnosis is internal rotation tendonitis.  I'll be going 3 days a week for a month and hopefully that'll relive the swelling, get rid of the pain and strengthen my shoulder.  Since I can't take NSAIDS, they are going to try a couple topical medications.

I had to give a persuasive speech for class last week.  I chose the topic, "Bariatric Surgery - It's Not The Easy Way Out."  I think I did very well with it, used very convincing statistics and people were impressed with before/after pictures.  Especially the ones where I and a friend lost a lot of weight and then regained it all back.  I got an A on the speech! 

In my last blog entry, I promised a couple product reviews.  I've been using Celebrate Vitamins Grape Flavor.  I've found that I can tolerate them a lot better than the Bariatric Advantage.  I absolutely love the Celebrate Hot Cocoa Calcium.  It's a little gritty but it's delicious. 

I recently switched from a Blackberry to a Droid 2.  I'm using a couple of applications that have made life as a bariatric surgery patient so much easier.  One is Drinking Water.  It reminds me throughout the day to drink my water.  The other is Med Minder.  I put my meds and vitamins in and it'll remind me at points throughout the day (of my choosing) when I'm supposed to take them.  I haven't missed any since I started using it, I highly recommend it!

Broken Stall!

So, I gained about 3 pounds in the past month.  Finally, over the weekend, the scale has started to move back down and I have lost all 3 pounds!  I'm so excited about this.  I hope that means this stall is broken and I will continue to lose.

I've done a crazy amount of walking lately.  Of course, some of that was because I was shopping, but that counts!  I took several thousand steps in a day so I'm definitely counting it.  I've been doing a little regular walking, too, of course.  I did my first workout at Curves this morning.  It was just like I remembered it.  I plan on going every Monday, Wednesday and Friday after I drop the kids off at school and then go for at least 30 minute walks on Tuesdays and Thursdays.  I put on my pedometer this morning only to discover that it's broken, so I need a new one.  My iPod Nano 6G has a pedometer on it, and I've used it, but I don't want to waste the battery by having it on all day - and it was a little expensive so I certainly don't want to risk losing it!

Today, I got my eyes checked out.  Got new contacts and ordered some new glasses, can't wait for them to come in, they are really cute.  I had some dental work done last Friday, the right side of my face was numb all afternoon and evening.  My husband took me to Red Lobster that evening.  I ate half of a lobster tail and about 3/4 of my snow crab legs.  The next day for lunch, I had leftover garlic shrimp scampi and the rest of my lobster tail.  It was all so delicious and went down my sleeve quite nicely, without that stuck in the throat feeling that I get from most other things.  I only wish Red Lobster wasn't so expensive!  Since seafood fit so nicely, I tried fresh fish by eating a Starkist Lunch To Go the next day for lunch.  Again, delicious and easy on the sleeve.  Of course, I only ate a couple of the crackers, though.  As if I didn't get my fill, I took my daughter to Long John Silvers today and got the grilled Pacific Salmon.  It wasn't too bad, but not near as good as those crab legs!

Anyway... Wednesday night I have to give a speech so I bought a new outfit.  I'm unsure if I should wear the belt or not.  Here's a pic of both.  I also bought a new big barrel curling iron to try a new hairstyle and I love how it turned out!

Time To Get Down & Dirty

Bad news first - I gained another pound and was up to 238.  But, the good news is that I've already lost it.  Hopefully that's a good sign that this stall is breaking.  I've been getting in more protein than I was and I'm also increasing my fluids.  I am so ready to start losing again! 

I think it's time to get down and dirty and really step it up a notch.  I just finished my morning workout.  It was a simple work out, though, I did Just Dance 2 for the Wii.  Later today, I'll go for a walk...er...that's if it warms up.  There was sleet this morning, ick.  I have plans on Friday to renew my Curves membership.  Despite having lost 50 lbs, I'm still not in good shape.  I'm also hoping that having a regular workout routine will not only strengthen my muscles, but that it'll boost my metabolism and create such a calorie deficit that I'll be losing even faster.  Of course, right now any loss is faster, but you know what I mean. 

We went shopping over the weekend and I came across the workout outfit in the picture above.  I got it at Fashion Bug, top and pants for just $10 all together!  I was so happy with that find.  And, it matches the new shoes I bought not long ago at Payless.  You can click the picture of the shoes to the right to get your own pair, they are on sale for just $30.  They are very comfortable and great for walking!  I haven't tried running in them, but I had a dream that I did and they performed beautifully.  I never thought I'd say this, but I can't wait to be able to run again.  In my dream, it was so much fun.  Speaking of dreaming, I've been dreaming a lot lately.  I think this means that my hypopnea is gone!  I haven't dreamed in so long because my sleep was constantly interrupted due to shallowing breathing.  They took my cpap away a few weeks ago because I couldn't get the hang of using it.  They called me non-compliant.  I really hate that word.  Anyone knows me knows that I'm one of the most by the rules people there is, I just couldn't get the hang of that stupid machine.  I'm happy it's gone! 

I've been doing a 31 day photo challenge on Facebook.  Yesterday's was to post a picture of a bad habit you wish you didn't have.  I posted a picture of me weighing myself.  It really is a bad habit.  I do it every day and I know I should only do it once a week.  I told my husband to hide the scale, but he never did.  So, I just keep weighing.  But, the fact that I lost a pound this morning gave me hope.  Maybe tomorrow will be a better day! 

I apologize for my yucky looking legs and feet.  They are splotchy because I have scabies scars.  I'm hoping they fade, but so far they haven't.  I also desperately need a pedicure!  But, you at least get a view of my precious little angel's footprints.  Those, my friends, are actually size.  She was so tiny, weighing in at only 1lb 3oz.  I had her footprints tattooed on my ankle so that wherever I make footprints, hers will be there, too. 

Having a Fun Four Day Weekend!

We have a four day weekend, yay!  It's been so nice to relax a bit.  Yesterday, while we were out and about, we made a spontaneous visit to Jeremy "Boo" Rochman Memorial Park in Carbondale, IL (also known as Castle Park.)  It was built by parents in memory of their son who loved Dungeons & Dragons.  There are many sculptures, including a "life size" dragon that children can climb on.  There are wizards, trolls, a unicorn and a pegasus.  There's also a gorgeous fountain and a castle you can go in that's like a maze.  It's a wonderful park and it's privately owned.  See this Youtube video for a better look or look at pictures on Flickr.  So, my opening picture is me standing next to a Lochness Monster type dragon which rises and falls in and out of the ground.  I think this picture is a great one, showing off how much weight I've lost!  I went back to Cato yesterday and even bought a pair of size 20 jeans.  I'm wearing them now.  Love them!

I'm also sitting here, finally recovering from lunch.  I was just going to eat some crab meat but my husband suggested Chinese.  So, he brought home some takeout and I ate a few soft things.  But, my sleeve protested it.  I don't know if it was one specific thing or Chinese in general.  Maybe I just ate it too fast.  Either way, it's not the healthiest and I should have known better!

I have to make my way to the grocery store at some point today.  I'm thinking of buying some tofu.  Does anyone have any tofu recipes they would like to share?  Oh, I also drank some coffee this morning.  It was delicious.  I only used 1/2 caff though, and added splenda and Coffee Mate Fat Free Original Creamer - only 10 calories, no fat and very little carbs.  For the small amount I can drink, it really doesn't amount to much.  And I loved it.

I'm still stalled.  In fact, I've gained 2 pounds (probably shouldn't have had that Chinese today for this sole reason!)  I felt a little backed up so I took some Milk of Magnesia.  Hopefully that'll help.  Also, I finally got a different multivitamin.  I couldn't stand the orange flavored Bariatric Advantage ones.  I got some french vanilla instead.  They are better, not great, but at least they aren't coming back up!  I also ordered some Celebrate Lemon Creme Calcet Bites because I can't stand the Bariatric Advantage Cherry Calcium Citrate Lozenges.  They are way too sweet!  I have tried a sample of the lemon calcet bites and they were delicious, can't wait for them to come in.

Feeding My Sleeve

It is simply gorgeous in Southern Illinois today.  The temperature is a comfy 70 degrees F, the sun is out, wind is mild and it's just beautiful.  When I got dressed this morning, I found that I had no clothes that were really appropriate for this weather.  Almost every piece of clothing I own is too big for me now.  I'm down to a couple t-shirts and a couple pair of jeans.  So, I decided to go shopping.  I went to Cato (one of my favorite stores) and right there in the fitting room, I felt like crying tears of joy.  I could wear a size 20!  Only four months ago, I was in a 26/28.  Wow, just amazing.  So, I bought two pair of capris, three shirts and a pair of flip flops.  I wasn't going to buy any new clothes for awhile, was going to hit up some thrift shops, but I just couldn't resist.  It really has been a happy day because of this, so proud of myself.  Yet, I'm still in disbelief.  My mom says she's very proud of me, everyone says I look great.  Even a former boyfriend (who I'm still on good terms with obviously) said that there is a dramatic difference.  I really needed this today.  I've been a little discouraged because I've been on a stall.  The stall came about a week and half ago, while I was sick with the flu and just starting purees.  Now, I'm on soft foods and the scale still isn't budging.  I hope it starts back up soon.  I will go see my surgeon tomorrow for my one month followup.

You may be wondering what I can eat now.  I've moved on to soft foods.  Things that can be chewed easily and are soft. Tonight, I made dinner for my family for the first time post-op.  Actually, that's not true.  I've made convenience foods for them, but last night is the first night I've actually made something nice that I can sit down and eat, too.  I made steak, green beans and au gratin potatoes.  Wait, you say?  I'm not supposed to eat steak?  Well, this steak is incredibly tender, and I could actually cut it with a fork.  It's simple to chew and feels fine in my sleeve, so I'm counting it as a soft food.  It's Loggins New York Strip Steak and I found it in the frozen meat section at Walmart.  They were a little pricey, but considering I used to pay about $8 per ribeye, I figured it's a fair trade off.   They aren't as tasty as a ribeye, but it'll have to do for now.

Above, you see a photo of my dinner plate before I began eating.  Note that it's not a full size plate, it's a salad plate.  Also, please excuse my table.  It's a hand me down that's been handed down many times.  I'm planning on buying a nice dining room set in the very near future.  What you see is 3 oz of New York Strip Steak, 1 Tbsp of green beans and 1.5 Tbsp of au gratin potatoes.

 

 To the right, you see my finished plate.  I ate about 1/2 of the 3 oz. steak, most of the green beans and about 1/4 of the potatoes.  I'm full.  Notice my fork has some potatoes on it.  I was about to take another bite, but then I started to "feel" it and knew it was time to stop.  Okay folks, here's the tally for my dinner:

Calories:  68
Protein:  8.4 grams
Carbs:  3.3 grams
Fat:  2 grams

I was very satisfied.  Dinner was great!

Ode to My Jeans

I currently have just 1 pair of jeans that fit me well.  I bought them at Wal-Mart probably at least 4 years ago.  They are Faded Glory Stretch size 26.  They have a slight flare on them and are so comfortable.  The problem is that I've worn them for so long that they have a small hole developing where my upper, inner thighs rub together.  I need a new pair.

I also have a pair that I got from Lane Bryant.  They are Venezia size 28.  They fit perfect when I first got them but now they are baggy and I constantly have to pull them up.  I want the exact same pair in a 26, or even a 24.  I also have a pair of Jeggings that I got from Cato, size 26, which are super comfortable.  They are a great fit around the waist, but they are too long so they bunch up.  I am a short 5 foot 2 1/2 inches.

I'm refusing to buy any new jeans until I absolutely have to.  I have a few pair of size 24 and 26 jeans in my dresser that are just a tad tight, and I'm hoping I'll be able to fit into them soon.  But, I'm going to miss those trusty old Walmart jeans.  Funny how I like their fit (and look) better than the more expensive ones from Lane Bryant.

I was talking to my dad the other day and he said something that caught me off guard, "Just don't loose too much weight, okay?"  Now, my dad has always been a bit critical about my weight, but in a loving way.  I knew that he hated my weight but he never made me feel bad because of it.  There was one time I had to go to the doctor when I was about 15 because I was having stomach & heartburn issues.  I remember him asking the doctor if he thought it was because of my weight.  That's the only time I really felt bad about it.  So, him asking me to not lose too much weight just came as a surprise.  I assured him that I will not be wasting away, and I'd probably lose about 75% of my excess weight.  My ideal weight is 130lbs, and I'll likely reach about 150 if I really stick with the program.  Weight loss surgery is not a cure-all, it's just a tool.  It's very possible to not lose much weight at all if I do not use the tool and stick with the plan.    There's no worry here, though, I will be using my tool the right way and I hope to reach my maximum potential.